An Important Relationship

The Bride
I've been a daughter-in-law for many years, and now that my sons are getting older I'm guessing that I could be a mother-in-law in the not so distant future. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is so important.

I have been thinking lately that when the time comes, I want to be the best mother-in-law that I can be and that also has me thinking about how I can be a better daughter-in-law.

Frankly I didn't make enough of an effort as a young bride to to love my husband's family. I didn't know them well when we married and afterward I was so wrapped up in "wedded bliss" and shortly thereafter anticipating a new baby that I didn't give it much thought. All I knew was that their habit of dropping by unannounced (something just not done in my family) was annoying.

Here is my advice both to young brides, and to myself (I always need reminders).

1. Realize that your mother-in-law is going to be different than your mother. Open yourself to the differences and learn from them as much as you can.

2. Show her respect and compassion. She raised a son that you loved enough to say "yes" to and has lots of experience and hopefully plenty of wisdom to share. :)

3. Be patient and accepting. Even when you disagree don't make her feel dismissed.

4. Don't expect your mother-in-law (or your husband for that matter) to read your mind. As a young bride I should have just encouraged my in-laws to visit on a certain, more convenient day instead of silently feeling resentful when they showed up on our doorstep at an inconvenient time. I probably could have nipped it in the bud.

5. Include her in your life and family. Don't make her feel shut out at birthdays and holidays.

6. Be willing to forgive. Sometimes little comments like "boy those ceiling fans sure are dirty" can sting. Just take a deep breath, pray for her and let it go. Nursing those hurts can drive a wedge between you and your mother-in-law that could also lead to a wedge between you and your husband.

7. Obviously if your in-laws are dangerous to you or your children things are different. I know that happens sometimes, but for most of us if we'll just reach out we can overcome our differences.

Honor thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
Deuteronomy 5:16